What The Family Tells Us About Love And Romance: An Afterthought
A revered Chinese writer who lived through the 1919 May Fourth Movement, Ba Jin（巴金）(pseudonym)’s writings marked the end of an era and heralded the beginning of a new one. He writes with such force that penetrates one’s heart’s deepest compartments and with such imagination that was unfathomable of his time.
A key classic of Ba Jin’s novels is The Family（《家》）,which he completed writing in the 1930s. Set against the backdrop of 1920s Chengdu, the capital of Sichuan Province and home of tasty wines, mala, and pandas, The Family tears down the high walls of magnificent mansions to tell the stories of intrigues, struggles, ambitions, love, lies and betrayal of the “Gao”（高） family.
As I put the book down, what stays with me most is not family vendetta or feuds but the love and romance of both the central and “smaller” characters.
Surrounding the three brothers of the Gao family – Jue Xin（觉新）, Jue Hui（觉慧）, and Jue Min（觉民）, Ba Jin presents to us love and romance in a kaleidoscope of colours and patterns, emotions and actions. From Jue Xin and Duan Yu（端钰）’s pair, we see how cowardice and blind obedience to traditional rules and practices can lead to regret. On the other hand, Jue Hui’s hesitancy to fulfil his promise to his beloved maidservant, Ming Feng（鸣凤） eventually causes the latter’s unfortunate death. However, the third pair, Jue Min and Qin, tells a different story of courage and defiance against all odds. Thought the pair set off nothing short of a storm, it manages to blow away the shackles of archaic traditional laws and values.
From the three pairs of loving birds mentioned above, we can learn important lessons on love and romance. First, love can be romantic, but romance does not always lead you to love. It is easy to get romantic with someone yet detouring as soon as love is in our sight. Second, love requires commitment. To love someone is not merely to say something or do something romantic. It is about fulfilling promises, taking up responsibilities, making sacrifices (willingly). Last, everyone deserves to be loved, yet no one can monopolise it. Do not always blame others why can’t they love you back. Instead, first, think about what we have done to deserve the love of others.
Nevertheless, love can be a tricky and evolving question that we take a lifetime to find an answer to. For one, love is never constant.
Love is like our own shadows. You see it often. It stays with you wherever you go. But when you stretch your hands out to touch it, it ignores and vanishes.
But love can also be a lamp that shines when darkness shrouds and blinds your way forward; love can also be a hug that embraces you when you feel cold and weak, and love can also be a walking stick that supports the full weight of your sorrow and troubles when you falter.
So, what is love? I don’t know. Love comes in various forms and shapes. Love can be things; love can be he/she; love can be an emotion, a feeling. You simply have to find out yourself and determine what form of love you need. But one thing is clear. We, as human beings, need to consume love. Even as we indulge in the intrigues and sweetness of romance, let us ask ourselves: is it love? Am I ready to love?
Ba Jin once said, “[t]he past is not a silent mute, it will tell us something.” We all learn from our previous romances and relationships with different individuals. People often say that a relationship – or breakup for that matter – makes you learn and grow. Besides technicalities of love and relationship, one major lesson that we all learn is the regret of missed opportunities and emotional miscalculations. Sometimes, love is no mystery at all. You simply have to act upon it and seize it.
To end, I just want to say: If you see Love, walk towards it; if you feel Love, embrace it; if you have Love, don’t lose it. Happy Chinese “Niu” Year and Happy Valentines’ Day to all!
牛年大吉春运到，
喜庆洋洋迎新年，
情人佳节乘风来
美人相伴醉今朝。
By: Michael Zhou, President, NUSPA & Founder, ReadNUS